(Joke) Liberal Dies and Goes to Heaven

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ArgueMax
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(Joke) Liberal Dies and Goes to Heaven

#1 Post by ArgueMax » Tue Dec 29, 2015 6:52 pm

Like jokes similar to this one, so this one begins as follows. A Liberal dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who is standing with his arms crossed and looking upon the Liberal with a slight smirk and says "I have been expecting you".

"Great, can I go inside now?"

"Well, as thing just so happens things are not as you might expect," says Saint Peter.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, hell is not exactly like you have probably heard it was. In fact, you can think of it as an alternative reality instead of a place of misery. This might be a little strange for you to hear this and so I would like to show you for myself. So, I would like for you to have a look and decide for yourself," says Saint Peter.

The Liberal agrees and Saint Peter takes the Liberal to a place just outside of Hell where Hell is within view.

There, before the astonished eyes of the Liberal is a place of unparalleled happiness and bliss. It is as if Hillary had become president. Everyone worked for the common good. There was wealth and prosperity from taxing the rich. Everyone lived in equal mansions of great luxury. There was money in the banks from foreign donors so that everyday Americans could start up their own business. Jobs did not come from companies and business but from an omnipotent centralized government.

All nations lived in harmony and so the military was disbanded and the money that would have gone to the pentagon was diverted into building childcare mega-villages.

But there is more. Americans had ditched that old war national anthem (that Hillary could not sing anyway) and Melissa Ethridge had replaced it with a power ballad.

It was not really a place, like Saint Peter had said, but a whole wonderful universe of endless joy and delight. Now that Femtopia had finally happened, extra-terrestrial aliens who were waiting for humankind to elect a female leader, finally made contact with earthlings and bestowed upon Earth the secret to eternal life and endless happiness and joy.

When the Liberal was finished seeing this splendor, Saint Peter took him aside and told him he was going to be given as much time as he waned to decide if he wanted to go to "Hell" or to heaven.

Of course, it did not take long at all.

The Liberal told Saint Peter he wanted to go to live in this universe and reality that Saint Peter said was "hell".

Saint Peter escorted the Liberal down a dark passageway where a huge stone doorway opened up. Beyond the doorway was a scene of chaos, division, dysfunction and anguish far greater than the great depression or the period prior to the American Civil war. The wealth from the rich was never relished after it was used up through the heavy taxation. Tax revenue from the High Tech Industry was gone after their headquarters went overseas. Homelessness and crime was on the rise. Red states had seceded from the Union. There was gloom and despair everywhere. It was truly hell.

The Liberal was shocked, angered and felt tricked and deceived. He asked Saint Peter, "what is going on!? What about that vision I was shown just a few hours ago?"

"Oh, that? They were just campaigning then."

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